My Purgatorical Home
I was originally going to post this in my main blog, but then I decided that the content was comedic and semi-ironic enough to be graduated from a general position in cyberspace to one more specialized in such dealings - this blog.
The week went well...I had missed the end halves of Wednesday and Thursday, and we had Friday AND Monday off of school because of "Presidents' Day"...whatever that's about, right? I had been evisioning a weekend, flawless in every way (since I had "forgotten" my calculator (oops, no trig homework) and history book (oops, no history homework))...however, this dream was unfairly smashed on Friday morning at around 8:46am. I awoke to the annoying (sorry for the cliched use of this word in this situation) 'howl' of the wind as it pounded at my windows and ripped at the screen doors. If one would have been standing over me, it may have been a fascinating sight...me, with my covers and hands over my head, afraid the windows would [instantaneously] implode all through my fucking bed, lacerating me and my manhood to little more than a few bloody spots on the pillow shams. Deciding this should NOT be the end of me, I jumped out of bed, grabbing some jeans and a shirt and dressed on the stair landing like I just realized I killed someone the night before, hurriedly dressing to flee the scene. My dog quickly rushed to my side, quivering the way she always does. Balloons, balls, the wind, bags...they all terrify her...I mean, it's NOT like she's some poodle or toy dog...she's a good medium size, fairly intimidating compared to a retarded bag from Target. Nonetheless, there she was, shaking furiously against my leg, so I bent down to comfort her, as if she were a little child. The reason WHY I had gotten up so early on a "weekend" was teeth-related. My mom had made, for me, the day before, an appointment with the doctor (not the dentist, surprised?) for a continual sore throat and enlarging [painful] ball on my gum, which both had all but disappeared by that morning and I needed to notify the office that my attendence would not be necessary, as had been my mom's instructions in said case.
Wegman's is the Shit!
::I posted this on a the MySpace group "Wegmans of Williamsport". I must note that it is required of you to work at Wegmans to join this group, which I don't, but I joined anyway because I love Wegmans.::
I have to admit, I don't work at Wegman's, so I'm sorry if I've already pissed off the group administrator...however, I do GENUINELY LOVE Williamsport's Wegmans. I'm in there at least eight times per week and buy at least 4 french demi baguettes for $1.06 a pop. The selection gives me such a boner as I stand facing the 'wall of water,' as I like to call it. By this, I mean the bottled water aisle, which, since January 1st of this year, has been reorganized (yes, people, I fukin' noticed) and revamped with more water than ever...I stand and stare at all the seltzer water like it's going to speak to me and god has told me to always be fully poised to recieve his word from a bottle of bubbly water. I swear to him though, if one more fucker tries to pedestrian his ass in front of my car as I pull in with a craving for a baguette and he's NOT in the cross-walk, he'll become my instant olive tempenade substitute.
Dialogues #1
TinLynne281808: Zorpia.com/Zaevodik You forgot the n before the i
Zaevodnik: ok, i fixed it
Zaevodnik: besser?
TinLynne281808: what?
Zaevodnik: besser = better, in german
TinLynne281808: well you should know that i wouldn't have known that
Zaevodnik: i know, but i think that some things are understandable to an extent, like, i wouldn't expect a reply to "so, was geht ja alles in deinem hood ab, du verfuckte arschaffe?"...i'm not irrational
TinLynne281808: no but your mom is
Zaevodnik: irrational or an arschaffe?
Zaevodnik: lol
TinLynne281808: shut up
TinLynne281808: so about that candy
Zaevodnik: how about i shit on a paper plate and decorate it with chocolate jimmies, eh?
TinLynne281808: umm...I prefer sugar
Zaevodnik: or maybe i'll barf into a bag of jelly belly jelly beans and mix it with creme de menthe and pineapple?!
Zaevodnik: or maybe just some simple fondu
TinLynne281808: isn't that chesse bread?
Zaevodnik: fondu = a melted substance that you dip multiple things into
TinLynne281808: close enough
Zaevodnik: cheese fondu, chocolate fondu...lard fondu
Zaevodnik: whatever you want
Zaevodnik: can dip fruit, bread...even vegetables if you want to be retarded
TinLynne281808: okay but you still didn't answer my question
waitbird: but anywho, tell me about your life man.
Zaevodnik: well, i think mine can't really compare to such freedom
Zaevodnik: as of tonight, i think i will be stalked by my ex-bestfriend-newly-friend's lover
Zaevodnik: he IM'd me to talk about my relationship with her...let's just say i ended up stating that he might be the one with a broken jaw
Zaevodnik: so...other than that, my life right now's pretty boring
Zaevodnik: i'll be in germany for both july and august, staying with Mona...nice name, huh?
Zaevodnik: i've been creating new blogs instantaneously compulsively...also watching the matrix series sporadically
Zaevodnik: coupled with some Alien Quadrilogy DVD marathons...can't help myself
waitbird: wait, so like a love triangle
waitbird: mona? how do you know a girl named mona in germany?
Zaevodnik: there's something about a slimy newborn alien bursting its way out of a human's chest cavity that makes me say, "are those waffles I smell??"
waitbird: (henry miller wrote a hard-core porn series called "Sexus" and it was set in France but the lead character girl was named Mona and she had the clap, so it's always sorta ruined the name Mona for me, but that's a side note)
waitbird: THE MATRIX!!!!!!!!!!!
Zaevodnik: haha @ the clap
waitbird: THE MATRIXES ARE HTE BEST MOVIES EVER.
waitbird: thought i've never heard of alien quadrilogy
Zaevodnik: i use that all the time
waitbird: HAHAHAHA. waffles.
Zaevodnik: ...so i said to him, "how do you expect to put an alpaca in THERE?!" and jake smacked his side and was all like, "with a plunger, you asshole!...how do you think I got the sheep in there?!"
WaNudd: mmk
Zaevodnik: no, seriously
